Today we had our ultrasound and everything looks great except for a little extra thickening in the heart membrane between the atrium and the ventricle. This condition is seen in normal children as well as children with down syndrome. It doesn't affect the function of the heart in any way. Since everything else measured perfectly, there is no cause for worry. We are very happy that the baby is healthy. So, it looks like we will be welcoming Savannah Louise into our family in June.
Cameron was really sad and disappointed that he was not going to have another brother. I felt really bad for him. I was really hoping that he would have another pal to wrestle and play Harry Potter with. He doesn't want to tell any of his friends that he is having another sister! Poor kid is going to be surrounded by estrogen. I feel really bad for him!
The girls are excited, of course. They were going to be happy either way. They are fighting over who is going to room with the baby!
Jim and I were somewhat surprised too. I have loved having boys. But, I am really excited to see pink once again! Kailey is almost 8 and she hates pink! I will get to dress this little angel in as much pink as I want!
I feel very blessed the Lord has allowed us to raise and nurture another child, however I am a little nervous. I know that the Lord is completely in charge and I will only be allowed to raise these children as long as He wants them here. I know I have no control over how long that will be. That makes me feel very vulnerable. I never thought about things such as this before Evan passed away. I always thought my children would outlive me. I don't think like that anymore....for I know it is not always true. It does not matter how loving, caring or vigilant a parent may be. When the Lord calls one of his angels home, it's time. We are the ones left grieving and hoping the day of reuniting comes quickly.
When friends and loved ones ask, "Aren't you so excited to be having another baby?" I answer with a heavy heart. Of, course I am, but I wish I had Evan too. That's how I want to answer. I think of Evan more than I think that I am pregnant. It stills feel surreal....Evan gone...me having another baby! This is my reality...this is our family's reality...Savannah knows Evan right now, but will forget him when she is born. Our family will then have the giant role to teach her about her brother, Evan from Heaven.
I am worried about what kind of mother I will be to her. I feel like I want to be happy for her and not have to hide behind the sadness I feel. Will she recognize the sadness and emptiness I feel. Will I bring her the happiness that Evan brought us? I know I have changed and I feel nervous about bringing her into this world. I want to hold and protect her from all the dangers. I know I cannot...I just want her to feel joy despite our family's tragedy. I pray for peace as our family continues enduring until the end.
8 comments:
Congratulation on the news of baby Savannah. I have no doubt that you will be an excellent mother to her. Love and miss you!
You're right, Evan in Heaven is with Savannah right now. He is instructing her how much love she needs to give you from him too. I'm sure you will feel double love from this little one. Evan is surely sad that his leaving has caused so much pain to his family, and I'm sure he helped to get Savannah here this fast. Our prayers are continually with you and your sweet eternal family. Dad & I love you so much. Thanks for such wonderful news today.
How exciting! I have always loved the name Savannah! Angela, I just want you to know how much your posts truly touch me and my life. Most of the time I can't help but cry and sometimes feel like I might be crying with you. Your heartstrings inspire me to never take life for granted. I love you and I have no doubt that Savannah is one of the luckiest little girls to have you as a mother.
You will be a wonderful mother...for the fifth time! We are excited for you guys and glad to hear the healthy report.
Here is a GIANT HUG from Kansas, and Savannah will be a GIANT HUG from Evan and Heavenly Father. I love you very much, and I know you will be a fabulous mother to Savannah!
Anglea, your posts are so powerful and dear. Savannah is so blessed to come to the amazing family that you have. All of your feelings and thoughts are so special and felt by the lord. Prayers of peace are given by so many of your friends and family, I hope you do feel them and know that Savannah will fill your life with joy more that you could even imagine. I pray the hole in your heart and pain will be filled with love and joy for the beautiful children you do have here on earth. Our precious babies in heaven are with there father in heaven just being taken care of until we can be with them again. Thanks so much for sharing your dear thoughts with us. You will be and are an amazing mother to the children the lord has blessed your family with. Evan was so special that only you could be his mom. The lord is very mindful of your family. Big hugs.... you are amazing.
What a sweet post, thanks for sharing your feelings.
Angela, I cannot find the words to express my love for you and your sweet family. When I read your posts it makes me feel close to you and I wish so much that Ken and I could hang out with you and Jim again. I am so excited for you to have another girl, she is a special spirit and one lucky girl to have you as a mom. I think of you so often and pray for you everyday.
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