6 Months Later

Today is 6 months since Evan passed away. Oh how we miss his sweet, gentle, loving, energetic, and charismatic personality. He is missed so much. We bought some new flowers to place in his vase. When I saw these flowers, they just reminded me of Evan. He was full of light and brightness...and of course, yellow was his favorite color! We also put the Sesame Street characters that were on his 1st birthday cake on his marker. We placed a heart there too to remind us of the love we feel for him. Our next journey will be to find the right permanent marker for him. I hate having to make something permanent...but we know we need to.

Cameron wore Evan's favorite hat, his Superman hat...Evan really is our little hero and we can't wait to be with him again. It's hard to be a parent when your other children hurt so much. They miss their little brother so much. Kailey usually cries every night before she goes to sleep. Last night Cameron cried too. Danielle feels depressed lots of the time. A parent has to stay strong and constantly comfort and reassure. All we can do is pray for them, hold them, and love them. These are the secrets of families with loss. Everyone wants to believe everything is okay. Some days are okay and there are lots of good days, but bad days...you never want to experience those...especially when it's one of your children experiencing the terrible pain that comes with unbearable grief. We have felt the Savior's love for us and realize He is the only way that our pain can be lifted. We are teaching our children this.

I have been reading a book about grief and it talks about the reason we grieve so hard is because we loved so deeply. Our children love deeply, they loved their little brother so much. As a parent you want your children to love each other...because of death, we know how much they love each other. Danielle comforted Kailey the other night...she let Kailey sleep with her. When I went to check on them, they were holding each other...facing one another with their arms encircled around each other. It reminded me of a heart. I love my children. They are strong, they will be greater human beings because of their ability to love. They will know how to express compassion and love for others throughout their life. This has been a life changing event for our entire family and I pray that I can continue to give my children the strength they deserve.